"Just Don't Kill Each Other….."

I was doing the dressing change on one of my patients last night. It was quite painful so I was trying to engage him in conversation and distract him from the pain. We started talking about his wife and his marriage. I asked him how long he had been married. He told me that they have been married about 15 years. I asked him one of my favorite questions to ask my patients that have been married for awhile…..”so what is your secret?” I asked. He replied to me, “Just don’t kill each other….tolerance….of each other.” He went on to say that you just don’t give up. No matter what. It amazes me that when I ask my patients this question I get such simple answers! I have had patients that have been married 65, 70 years. I love to ask them this question! The thing is, there is no secret. Most of them have just said things such as what my patient said last night.

You just stay together. You just keep loving each other….no matter what. You just don’t give up.

I want this for my own life. It is too late for me to have 65 years but I could maybe still have 50 plus years with the love of my life.  I am hopeful that one day I will be able to answer “30 years… 40 years…50 years we have been together….” I have no doubt in my mind that I will have that someday.

There are so many books written about love, marriage, relationships. Many of them claim to have the answer….the secret to relationships and lasting love. I think it is much more simple than any book. I think that when I listen to my patients, many times they help me more than I help them.You just don’t give up. You stay….you work it out, you have good times, bad times but you just keep loving each other. These are always the answers I hear to this question.

You just don’t kill each other….good advice!

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